Cycle of Violence and abusive relationship ?





"I kept on staying with him because I thought all marriages required the wife to suffer, I did not know I deserved better."

Might you don't know but mostly Domestic violence always follows a pattern that is described as the cycle of abuse or cycle of violence. It is a pattern of living in which one person (usually the man) uses violence or other abusive behavior to control and maintain power over a partner, or other family member. It may include verbal abuse, psychological abuse, economic abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. The impact of continued abuse in a relationships is devastating, It low down the self-esteem and quality of life of victims and their children.


Domestic violence is part of a continuing cycle that's very difficult to break. if you're in an abusive relationship, you may recognize this pattern:


"He would bring me flowers and gifts the very next day after beating' me... I used to love the day after until things were getting worse and worse." He would say he was sorry and promise to change, but then about one month later he would go right back to kicking and punching. He even grabbed my throat once!"

THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE:

Forms of Domestic Violence Click Here

The first part known as the “tension building”. During this stage, the batterer becomes edgy, irritable or impatient. The victim senses the batterer’s increasing tension, knowing he’s getting ready to explode. She walks on eggshells, being careful of what she says and how she acts. She may start hiding things which can be used as a weapon. The victim’s attempts to alleviate the tension are futile, and the tension explodes into violence.


The second part known as the “Violent Episode” . It is the shortest but most intense period. The batterer explodes and the victim is abused. The batterer may make unreasonable demands upon the victim. He may yell at the victim for hours, destroy something that has special meaning to her, or give out severe physical punishment. The physical abuse can range from pushing, slapping and punching to torture, rape and murder.


The third period known as the “Absence of Violence or Honeymoon Phase”. During this time, the defendant is kind, thoughtful, charming, and remorseful. He may tell the victim that he is sorry, that he loves her, and that he will never act that way again. He may bring her flowers or buy her an expensive gift. He may also minimize the violence and place the blame on the victim for causing the violence. After a period of time, the cycle begins again.

This is what makes domestic violence so confusing. I can't count how many times a survivor has told me, ("But sometimes he's so sweet! And he's not a monster! We've had some good times too! I loved him - I still do really. He put me in hospital twice but I just melted when I saw him crying. I thought hitting me showed he cared. I believed him when he said he would change.")

Domestic violence increases in frequency and severity. It is never an isolated incident or a one-time occurrence.

"Read this small Story of a girl name Margie"

This is a painful one for Shirley and her husband Larry their daughter Margie was brutally murdered by the man who claimed to love her, Margie’s husband. “It’s easy to look back now and see the warning signs,” states Shirley. “But back then our family did not realize that the verbal attacks were escalating into physical assaults until it was too late.

I ask you to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out, be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker. You may be their Only Hope.”

Remember together we have the power to make a difference...

So spread the word. Don't wait for tomorrow, May someone need you right now 'Spread it now......

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

We are a group of American Indians and friends that know and worked with Joy Loftin while she was employed at the Vanderbilt YMCA here in New York City. During the length of her employment, several extremely disturbing incidents occurred that cause us to be concerned and call into question the motives and the integrity of Shan Colorado Finnerty, Hortensia Colorado, and Elvira Colorado.
On several occasions, Joy came to work with visible bruises on her neck and arms. She eventually explained to us that Shan had punched, beaten, and choked her and she asked us for help. As wardens for the community, we tried to place Joy in women’s shelters around the city in an effort to mitigate the abuse. However, at the urging of Shan’s mother and aunt, Hortensia and Elvira, she returned to their apartment and refused to press criminal charges against Shan Colorado Finnerty. The abuse continued and one day, she came to work very early, visibly distressed and crying, with more bruises and abrasions. She said that Shan had verbally abused and beaten her once again; that she wanted to return to California, and that she was going to quit her job and reunite with her family. She tendered her resignation later that week. Out of concern for her safety and in an effort to find out what happened to her, we requested an officer from the domestic violence unit of the 5th Precinct conduct a welfare check at their home on Kenmare Street. However the officer was unable to find anyone at the apartment, and therefore could not verify that Joy was safe. We realize that she is suffering from battered women’s syndrome and may be unable to help herself due to the isolationist environment that the Colorados have formed around her. Abusive men are often enabled by their family, while the victim is persuaded to believe the abuse is her fault, and the pattern of emotional and physical trauma continues. Taking into consideration what has happened to Joy Loftin, it is especially deceitful that their display “Altar: El Llanto De La Resistencia” at the American Indian Community House was in part dedicated to victims of domestic violence.
In light of these events, we are dismayed, disappointed, and outraged to know that members of the American Indian Community would commit, condone, and perpetuate domestic abuse and violence, while simultaneously conducting workshops, writing and performing plays, and displaying works and art that would have the public and those who support them believe otherwise. It is a vulgar and offensive misrepresentation of American Indian Culture, and further support of Coatlicue Theater, Hortensia Colorado, Elvira Colorado, Shan Colorado Finnerty and their work is tantamount to supporting domestic abuse and violence. Considering their duplicitous behavior, having them represent American Indian Culture is an insult to the dignity of American Indians and an affront to human beings.
We are therefore informing you we will not attend nor support any Coatlicue Theater productions or events where they will be featured. We will be encouraging others that might consider attending, participating, or funding them to do the same. Our actions are warranted, and to be associated with the aforementioned individuals and Coatlicue Theater would be equivalent to enabling and contributing to such offensive behaviour.
We urge everyone to reevaluate their support of Coatlicue Theater and the Colorados, and question the individuals concerned. Until the responsible individuals are held accountable and measures are taken to verify that the abuse is no longer occurring, we will continue with our boycott, and will strongly urge others to do the same.

Tomas Karkalas said...

... Join Stop Domestic Violence Campaigne Click Here - I was happy to do that. I put your add on my blog Modus Vivendi.
We may look silent, but our pictures talk - reveal our heart's attitude better than my English.
Thank you. Your care for the weak is so supportive ... your posts enables me to face the current hardships with the smile of the love.

Renato de Trindade said...

Hi Petercrys! Best Wishes for A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year! God bless you! Your Brazilian Friend from Blogging to Fame, Renato de Trindade

幸雨 said...

TAHNKS FOR YOUR SHARING~~~VERY NICE ........................................

劉je217relacoste0 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical...................................................

FrederickBove98787 said...

Thx ur share........................................

蕙春蕙春 said...

Pen and ink is wits plough. ....................................................................

宜欣宜欣 said...

Thanks a lot for sharing (o>▽<)..................................................................

黃威宇 said...

Never hesitate to hold out your hand; never hesitate to accept the outstretched hand of another..................................................................

家文婷谷 said...

It is easier to get than to keep it.......................................................................