Why can't women leave abusive relationships?

It is well documented that women who experience domestic violence can find it difficult to leave a violent relationship. The prospect of asking for help can be daunting for a woman who is feeling isolated, and whose self-esteem has been lowered by abuse.
"He turned everyone against me. I had no friends, no social life, no support. He got the children to keep track of my movements and tell him what I'd been doing and who I'd talked to. I knew he'd never let me go."

Leaving a relationship, no matter how abusive, is never easy. Women who leave relationships often have to opt for living in poverty. That's a very difficult choice to make. There are many social, cultural factors that contribute to encouraging women to stay and try and make the situation work. Often, violence is a familiar pattern for the woman, as well as the man. In addition, women often love the men who abuse them, or at least love them initially. Men who batter are not 100 percent hateful, but they can be loving and attentive partners at times. Some women remain emotionally and/or economically dependent on the batterer despite the fact that she faces continued abuse if she stays with him. Women are at highest risk of injury or violence when they are separating from or divorcing a partner. Women can be very intimidated by a partner and the consequences of her leaving. It takes a long time for a woman to give up hope in a relationship and to recognize that the only way she can be safe is to leave him.

"My mother, his mother, our counsellor and our minister all told me I should stay... They said he was trying to change and I needed to support him. I waited through six years of hell."

The impact of continued abuse on woman in intimate relationships is devastating.

I asked you before and i am asking you again to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out, be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker. You may be their Only Hope.”

Remember together we have the power to make a difference...

So spread the word. Don't wait for tomorrow, May someone need you right now 'Spread it now......

A Comment:

Thank-you for your work raising awareness about domestic abuse. The information you offer is life saving. I was in an abusive relationship--my ex controlled all the money. I could not earn money by getting a job because my ex refused to watch the children, which meant all my pay would go to daycare. He was also very abusive towards the children. In order to leave, I had to go on public assistance and even live in my car. It was very difficult to leave because my ex was stalking me--and friends were afraid to take me in. I was in such a bad place, emotionally, that I would not consider going to a shelter. I could not accept that I was abused. I assumed it was my fault that my life was falling apart, I believed all the insults and names screamed at me over the years. My advise is to love yourself unconditionally. NO ONE deserves to be hurt, to be made to live in fear. Seek help because you are worth it. And if you have kids, you can stop the cycle of violence.

7 comments:

Annelisa said...

This is a very excellent blog you have here, Petercrys. I wish it were not a subject that is so misunderstood, but from certain experiences I had myself, I realise how easy it is to fall into a different mind-set, and not be aware of it. And sometimes, when you're aware of it, not being able to change it.

Keep up the good work of helping people understand...

I'll put a link to your blog from mine, so others can find a place to share and understand too...

Anonymous said...

Thank-you for your work raising awareness about domestic abuse. The information you offer is life saving. I was in an abusive relationship--my ex controlled all the money. I could not earn money by getting a job because my ex refused to watch the children, which meant all my pay would go to daycare. He was also very abusive towards the children. In order to leave, I had to go on public assistance and even live in my car. It was very difficult to leave because my ex was stalking me--and friends were afraid to take me in. I was in such a bad place, emotionally, that I would not consider going to a shelter. I could not accept that I was abused. I assumed it was my fault that my life was falling apart, I believed all the insults and names screamed at me over the years. My advise is to love yourself unconditionally. NO ONE deserves to be hurt, to be made to live in fear. Seek help because you are worth it. And if you have kids, you can stop the cycle of violence.

Namaste~ TB

JJ said...

I was in a abusive relationship for twenty seven year’s. I was afraid if I left he would kill me and the children.I stayed with him until he died.Now my daughter is following in my footsteps!The nightmare has began all over again, How can I help her as she will not leave.
My daughter’s husband has threatened her life, Telling her the only way she will leave is in a body bag. He always leaves bruises where no one can see.He continually checks up on her and follows her where ever she go’s . He accuses her of being unfaithful. He is in control of all the money and demands to see her check stubs and all of her receipts.He checks her car mileage and Now she is pregnant!I am begging her to leave.
Why is she so emotionally dependent on him! How can I help her without loosing her. She Knows I am right but she just can’t leave.
Julie Ann

Anonymous said...

It is very much like his Irish impulses. He has a big problem with impulses, illustrated by his first car and the multiple laptops he has walked away from because they so underperformed.
Because of his anger/short temper expect he has acted on his Irish impulse to hit his wife.
Multiple times.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the read i am currently working on a stop the violence project will save your blog an share.

very very blessed said...

Very good article and to the point. It is so true, woman do have a hard time.

Anonymous said...

i am in a violent relationship and have been for two years as we speak my whole body is black and blue especially my arms and back and my knees where im continually thrown to the floor for tryin to stand up for myself. My poor dog tries to defend me sometimes when its bad and gets kicked and punched also! Before i met this man i considered myself a strong independent person i never once for a second believed i would accept this behaviour from a man but i cant hand on my heart say that i cant seem to leave im so scared to go! And i get very fustrated knowin i should leave but feelin to weak to. He insists of course that it is my fault and that i wind him up! he puts me down so much sometimes i almost believe him but your comments helped me understand, i am scared of being homeless but it really truely is a process and i guess im not there yet but i hope i will be before he completely destroys my mind and body!