Why can't women leave abusive relationships?

It is well documented that women who experience domestic violence can find it difficult to leave a violent relationship. The prospect of asking for help can be daunting for a woman who is feeling isolated, and whose self-esteem has been lowered by abuse.

"He turned everyone against me. I had no friends, no social life, no support. He got the children to keep track of my movements and tell him what I'd been doing and who I'd talked to. I knew he'd never let me go."

Leaving a relationship, no matter how abusive, is never easy. Women who leave relationships often have to opt for living in poverty. That's a very difficult choice to make. There are many social, cultural factors that contribute to encouraging women to stay and try and make the situation work. Often, violence is a familiar pattern for the woman, as well as the man. In addition, women often love the men who abuse them, or at least love them initially. Men who batter are not 100 percent hateful, but they can be loving and attentive partners at times. Some women remain emotionally and/or economically dependent on the batterer despite the fact that she faces continued abuse if she stays with him. Women are at highest risk of injury or violence when they are separating from or divorcing a partner. Women can be very intimidated by a partner and the consequences of her leaving. It takes a long time for a woman to give up hope in a relationship and to recognize that the only way she can be safe is to leave him.

"My mother, his mother, our counsellor and our minister all told me I should stay... They said he was trying to change and I needed to support him. I waited through six years of hell."

The impact of continued abuse on woman in intimate relationships is devastating.

I asked you before and i am asking you again to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out, be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker. You may be their Only Hope.”

Remember together we have the power to make a difference...

So spread the word. Don't wait for tomorrow, May someone need you right now 'Spread it now......

A Comment:

Thank-you for your work raising awareness about domestic abuse. The information you offer is life saving. I was in an abusive relationship--my ex controlled all the money. I could not earn money by getting a job because my ex refused to watch the children, which meant all my pay would go to daycare. He was also very abusive towards the children. In order to leave, I had to go on public assistance and even live in my car. It was very difficult to leave because my ex was stalking me--and friends were afraid to take me in. I was in such a bad place, emotionally, that I would not consider going to a shelter. I could not accept that I was abused. I assumed it was my fault that my life was falling apart, I believed all the insults and names screamed at me over the years. My advise is to love yourself unconditionally. NO ONE deserves to be hurt, to be made to live in fear. Seek help because you are worth it. And if you have kids, you can stop the cycle of violence.

Forms of Domestic Violence AGAINST Women

"I loved him - I still do really. He put me in hospital twice but I just melted when I saw him crying. I thought hitting me showed he cared. I believed him when he said he would change."

Fear: Is the key factor in domestic violence and is often the most powerful way a perpetrator controls his victim. Fear is created by giving looks, or making gestures, possessing weapons destroying property, cruelty to pets or any behaviour which can be used to intimidate and render the victim powerless.

Intimidation: Includes destroying her possessions, smashing things, putting a fist through the wall, handling of guns or other weapons, using intimidating body language, hostile questioning of the victim, reckless driving of vehicle with victim in the car. It may include harassing the victim at her workplace either by making persistent phone calls or sending text messages or emails, following her to and from work, or loitering near her workplace.

Verbal abuse: Includes screaming, shouting, put-downs, name-calling, using sarcasm, ridiculing her for her religious beliefs or ethnic background.

Physical abuse: Can range from a lack of consideration for her physical comfort to causing permanent injury or even death. It could include such behaviour as pushing, hitting, choking, slapping, hair-pulling, punching etc. and may or may not involve the use of weapons. It could also be threats to, or actually destroying prized possessions.

Emotional abuse: Is a behaviour that deliberately undermines the confidence of victim, leading her to believe she is stupid, or that she is 'a bad mother' or useless or even to believe she is going crazy or is insane. This type of abuse humiliates, degrades and demeans the victim. The perpetrator may make threats to harm the victim, friend or family member, threaten to take her children, or to commit suicide. Or the perpetrator may use silence and withdrawal as a means to abuse.

Social abuse: Includes isolating the victim from social networks and supports either by preventing the victim from having contact with her family or friends or by verbally or physically abusing her in public or in front of others. It may be continually putting friends and family down so she is slowly disconnected from her support network.

Economic abuse: Results in the victim being financially dependent on their partner. She may be denied access to money, including her own, demanding that she and her children live on inadequate resources. These can be contributing factors for women becoming 'trapped' in violent relationships.

Sexual abuse: Includes a range of unwanted sexual behaviours including forced sexual contact, rape, forcing her to perform sexual acts that cause pain or humiliation, forcing her to have sex with others, causing injury to her sexual organs.

Controlling behaviours: Includes dictating what she does, who she sees and talks to, where she goes, keeping her from making any friends or from talking to her family, or having any money of her own. This can include preventing her from going to work, not allowing her to express her own feelings or thoughts, not allowing her any privacy, forcing her to go without food or water.

Spiritual abuse: Includes ridiculing or putting down her beliefs and culture, or preventing her from belonging to, or taking part in a group that is important to her spiritual beliefs, or practising her religion.

Separation violence: Often after the relationship has ended violence may continue, this can be a very dangerous time for the victim because the perpetrator may perceive a loss of control over the victim and may become more unpredictable. During and after seperation is often a time when violence will escalate leaving the victim more unsafe than previously.

Stalking: Sometimes the victim is stalked by the perpetrator either before or after separation. Stalking includes loitering around places she is known to frequent, watching her, following her, making persistent telephone calls and sending mail including unwanted love letters, cards and gifts although the relationship has ended. Stalking is a criminal offence, under the stalking legislation more than one type of behaviour has to occur, or the same type of behaviour has to occur on more than one occasion.

For me all forms of Domestic Violence are unacceptable some forms are a Criminal Offence.

"For years he had me believing it was my fault. He made me think I was stupid and ugly and I deserved what I got.. I was scared.. I could never manage without him and no-one would ever want me or give me a job."

The impact of continued abuse in intimate relationships can be devastating. Women escaping these horrific circumstances can often be heard to say, "but he loves me it’s my fault. I keep making mistakes"

I asked you befour and i am asking you again to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out, be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker. You may be their Only Hope.”

Remember together we have the power to make a difference...

So spread the word. Don't wait for tomorrow, May someone need you right now 'Spred it now......

Kindly Support My Mission: STOP Domestic Violence

kindly Support My Mission'

"light and shade that allow one form to blend in with another leaving something to the imagination"

Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of their background, age, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity. It happens in all kinds of relationships. However, statistics show the vast majority of domestic violence is carried out by men and experienced by women. Domestic violence is rarely a one-off. It can begin at any stage of the relationship. Incidents generally become more frequent and severe over time. Domestic violence begins because of the abuser's desire for power and control. It continues because the abusers are allowed to get away with it.

Often the reason is precisely that - the cumulative effect of repeated physical and psychological trauma destroys confidence and self-belief. Just Imagine what life would be like if a violent attacker had the key to your front door…and just imagine how powerless you would feel if your partner had threatened not only you but your whole family. The impact of continued abuse in intimate relationships can be devastating. Women escaping these horrific circumstances can often be heard to say, "but he loves me it’s my fault.I keep making mistakes"

I asked you befour and i am asking you again to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out, be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker. You may be their only hope.”

Remember together we have the power to make a difference...

So spread the word. Don't wait for tomorrow, May someone need you right now 'Spred it now. Email this post ot as many people you can.....

Together we have the power to make a difference

Hello all my blogger friends & Visitors please help me with your powerful hand...

"Alwals remember "Compassion wherever there is suffering Conviction that the compassion is strong enough to eliminate suffering Courage to make this conviction a reality"

As you all know too often domestic violence is a crime that is hidden away, but i am determined to bring it out into the open and tackle its root causes.

So' What is meant by 'domestic violence ?

Well Domestic violence is any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between adults who are or have been in a relationship together, or between family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

Whatever form it takes, domestic violence is rarely a one-off incident. More usually it's a pattern of abusive and controlling behaviour through which the abuser seeks power over their victim.

Domestic violence occurs across society, regardless of age, gender, race, sexuality, wealth and geography.

However, that it consists mainly of violence by men against women.

Victims of domestic violence suffer on many levels - health, housing, education - and lose the freedom to live their lives how they want, and without fear. i aim to support victims of domestic violence with the help of your powerful hands.

"Read this small Story of a girl name Margie"

This is a painful one for Shirley and her husband Larry their daughter Margie was brutally murdered by the man who claimed to love her, Margie’s husband. “It’s easy to look back now and see the warning signs,” states Shirley. “But back then our family did not realize that the verbal attacks were escalating into physical assaults until it was too late.

I ask You to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out, be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker. You may be their only hope.”

The power is Yours......

So please spread the word send this post to everyone you know.....

Remember together we have the power to make a difference......

Domestic violence?

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is abuse by a caregiver, a parent, a spouse or an intimate partner. It can take many forms. Here are some types of abuse: Physical abuse is the use of physical force; sexual abuse means any forced sexual activity; emotional abuse includes threats, constant criticism and put-downs. Controlling access to money and controlling activities are other abusive behaviors.

What can I do if my children or I am abused?
First, make sure you and your children are safe. Go to a safe place, such as the home of a friend or a relative or an emergency shelter. Take your children with you. Call the police if you think you can't leave home safely or if you want to bring charges against your abuser.

If possible, take house keys, money and important papers with you. Do not use drugs or alcohol at this time because you need to be alert in a crisis. The staff members at emergency shelters can help you file for a court order of protection.

What are other ways I can get help if I am abused?
Talk to your doctor, who can treat any medical problem, provide support and make referrals. Call an emergency shelter and ask about counseling and support groups for you and your children. Nurses, social workers and other health care professionals can also help you.

“I ask you to have patience and compassion for victims of domestic violence. It is important to realize women stay with abusers for many reasons. Judging and placing blame on victims only drives them farther into silence. Please remember, leaving an abuser is not a decision, it’s a process. Stick it out, be supportive of your friend, family member or coworker. You may be their only hope.”